Mom, Ayla and I went for a horseback ride, and Ayla and I rode Ken’s old horse Freckles, that I always ride there and he’s really calm and good and about 25 years old.  So out of the blue today he started bucking (as a trainer, I know there is what a lot of people think of as a buck, and I consider that a little jumping around, and then there is actual bucking where the horse’s head is down and his front and back feet are leaving the ground, it was the second one that we were experiencing!).  Ayla was on behind me in a little buddy saddle that straps on the back of the big saddle, at first I just thought we’d ride it out because he’d probably stop since it was so out of character for him, but when I was getting after him and he still was going at it, I decided it was time for plan B.  I was trying to think of what would be the safest thing for Ayla (not teaching the horse a lesson, and getting after him harder like I normally would…this time I had precious cargo), and I really didn’t want her to fall off and end up under him by herself, so I decided we should bail.  I went for the flying dismount first so that I could be down there to protect her, and then I told her to jump and she did.  I was so proud of her for listening so well under pressure…I’m sure it’s scary to jump off a big bucking horse when you’re only 3 feet tall!  She doesn’t even like to jump off of something into my waiting arms unless I’m really close to her, and this time there were no waiting arms…not mine anyway, but I’m convinced there were Some there!  She only cried a little, so I could tell she wasn’t really hurt, just scared, so we got back on just so she wouldn’t be scared of the horse, and then I let her ride with mom.  The horse probably got in 6 or 7 bucks before we jumped off, and my natural little cowgirl was just riding it like nothing…if I would have known that I may have decided to stay on, but I couldn’t really see her till I was on the ground. 

We had prayed for God to protect our ride before we left, and of course I can think of a lot of different ways I could have handled it looking back (my pride thinking how proud I would have been of her if we both just stayed on), but then I thought, wait a minute, I of course need to trust God that He guided me in my calm decision making (as He always has when I’m in a predicament), and that must have been the right choice for whatever reason, and He caught us both for a soft landing (and I was still SO proud of her for staying with the horse that long)!  Ayla was a little sore, she landed flat on her back, but I didn’t feel a thing. 

In this instance pride came after our fall (not like before in the saying!) but I still didn’t realize that I was trying to think up the situations that made it look better so I could be a proud Mom, when I should have just been so immediately grateful that my baby was ok, which I of course was, but the ‘what if’s’ were clouding the full thankfulness and trust.  At least it didn’t take me more than a few hours to realize my sin, but I still feel so bad that He watched out for us so carefully, and I didn’t even think to just trust Him and His guidance as the best choice from the start!  Sometimes I’m so dense!!

When we had gotten home and I was telling her about people who ride bucking horses and bulls for a living (trying to make her feel better) she said, “Mommy, I don’t want to be a cowgirl like you, I want to work at Culver’s.”  I cracked up!  She’s always wanted to do just what I do, until today, and Culver’s is a fast food resturant that she loves that two of her aunts work at, that’s why it was so funny and out of the blue! 

When we got home she rode Freckles around bareback so again, she wouldn’t be scared of him and she would see that he wasn’t trying to hurt her.  She was fine with that and even petting him.  On the way home I did all I could to get him to try bucking again, but I couldn’t, so I really think it was just a fluke.  Probably a lesson for me, in trusting God to care for my baby, and I’ve been wondering lately (I know I’m weird) if Ayla would follow my instructions if she were in danger and couldn’t see why I’d be asking her to do something, wondering if she had that blind trust (and ingrained obediance – I’m sure it takes both in the tough situations) in me that I would always lead her to do what I believe is best, even if it’s so hard for her to do it in the dangerous situation and ask no questions…well today wasn’t the worst of what could happen, but I’d say it was a good confirmation that yes, she would do as I said in an emergency, thank God for that too!  I’ll trust Him, she’ll trust me, and we should be ok then!

So, moral of the story, I am SO thankful that God caught my baby (or sent His angels) and that she is ok after her first rodeo!  (ok, so Freckles wasn’t as bad as a rodeo horse, because they really get after it, but for an old horse, I’d say he got after it pretty well too - he even seemed to be enjoying himself, the little bugger!!)

It was a great human based example of unconditional love to me. I decided a great way to have compassion for someone who has sinned against us, is to start making a list of our offenses against God, to help us realize what He has loved us through. For me anyway, I don’t have to go any further than any 2 minute chunk of time pre-Christ (or even post Christ at times!!) to see how much pain I have caused Him. But no matter how terrible, unloving, disrespectful, and awful I was to Him He didn’t stop loving me, or stop showing me that love. That is the unconditional love He loves us with, and the love that, through His power, He calls us to give to others.

If we say I can’t love this certain person because of the way they treat me, we are essentially saying we are better or more worthy than God. He loves us when we treat him terribly, but we say, no, so and so doesn’t deserve MY love when they treat ME that way, yet we know we have God’s love when we treat Him that way (even if the treatment is in different ways – our sin is always easier for us to brush off). We are saying, that to love, we must be treated in a certain way, but God, He’ll just love us no matter how we treat Him. How does that match up, when He is so much more worthy of good treatment than we are, and He disregards the bad treatment we give Him, and fills the space with love. Yet we as humans count ourselves too good to do that, to stoop to that level of being mistreated and still loving. But if our Jesus in the flesh (just look at the cross for one example, but of course there are MANY more!), and now in the Spirit, does that and more, and in turn gives us the power to do it also, how can we honestly look at that scenario and say, nope I won’t do it. You did it for me, but I will not do it for them, they don‘t deserve it. But do we even come close to deserving or earning His love ourselves? NO! If we say that to Him (no matter our excuses for not loving, and no matter who the person is), we just start all over breaking His heart.

Something to ponder anyway…

I don’t have a lot of experience in fasting before the Lord, I’ve only done it one other time for about a day. For some reason though, even though I still don’t totally understand fasting, I really felt God was laying it on my heart to do it (and He confirmed that in a few different ways, which was neat). So then I started planning again…when the food in the fridge would be gone, what my schedule was, etc, and decided to start on the next Wednesday. Well, God had other plans. It was Saturday night and I was going to read a book and enjoy my chai tea, but before my hand got to the book to pick it up, something (God) stopped me in mid air. I had the thought that praying was a better idea, so I went with that. As I was praying about Sean and the move, I felt this heavy weight on my chest, and then my favorite chai tea started to repulse me. I had the feeling that the Holy Spirit was telling me that Wednesday was not the day to start fasting, now was the time. So I agreed and prayed for God to help me through it, and instantly the weight was lifted off my chest and I felt my stomach tighten up, like God was opening my heart and closing my stomach. I was flooded with gratitude and thankfulness to my Father and I just kept praising and praising Him, it was very neat! Instead of crying out in desperate need, I was crying out in continuous praise! I also got the thought right away that God knew my plans, and I wasted a lot of time trying to plan and figure it out, instead of totally relying on Him to tell me. I was of course praying, but apparently not listening too hard, oops!

Trusting my Father as my sole support to live (I was doing a water fast), I think just put me in such a humble frame of mind and heart. I couldn’t help but trust Him with everything, because for those four days He was all I had to thrive on! It was amazing how He blessed me in my obedience, I was hungry and weak at times, but I still didn’t want food (even when I was cooking for my family). I felt so close to Him as I continued to rely on Him and ask for guidance and wisdom in my move (and of course I prayed for Sean the whole time too, and I also trust that God is working there!).

Then on Tuesday a friend was over for lunch and she mentioned a horse trailer that was for sale. I told her I had no way to pull it (I had researched rental pickups and moving trucks). Then I believe that God led me to check Uhaul again. I had asked so many places if I could tow, with ‘no’s’ all around, that I think I also assumed Uhaul was a no. I called that night and they said, yep, I could tow a horse trailer no problem! The only thing was that the other rental trucks were running around $385 and the Uhaul truck was $800! So I asked about that and the guy said he would see if he could match the price for the 10ft truck. He came back on and said he could only get it down to $520 but I could call the regional office in the morning and they may be able to do better. After that, I had the idea that Mom could fly down to drive home with me. Since I was going to have 2 horses, 2 dogs, 5 cats and a three year old, I thought that help might not be a bad idea! The 10 ft truck that I had reserved only had two seats though, so I would need a bigger truck (and I barely have any stuff to haul back – I think we may sleep in the back…in beds, lol!). I prayed and prayed that night, that if this plan truly was from the Lord, that He would work out the Uhaul to match the rate so I could afford it, and that He would just make everything work out and fall into place. So before I called Uhaul in the morning, I checked Budget again to see how much their 14ft truck was, it was $364, which was cheaper than the 10ft one. I called and talked to the Uhaul woman, told her I was calling about getting a price match, but that I also wanted a bigger truck (because it had three seats). She came back on the line and told me she could give me the 14ft truck for $364! Praise the Lord! (Later when I called to get my reservation emailed to me, right when the lady that helped me saw my rate, she exclaimed, “Wow! You got a great rate!“) So the truck was scheduled with a price that was within my budget.

Then on to the airplane ticket for mom…we decided on May 22nd so she could go to our church twice while she was here, and I looked it up, it was only $105! Every other date around that day was around $170. That was another conformation to me that the Lord was the one running the show!

The last step in planning was the horse trailer. I drove all around looking for that one that my friend told me about, but it was gone. I found one in Apex, about 1 hour away, it looked sturdy, like it could make it to MN, so I borrowed a truck and went to buy it. It was a little small, so I asked the girl if I could bring it back if my horses didn’t fit, she agreed. I got it back, tried the horses and the smaller of the two didn’t even fit, she was too wide! I was so bummed…the first hitch in the plans, and I had to drive another 2 hours round trip to return it! I again went into ‘Jenni planning mode’ and searched high and low for trailers on the internet. I finally decided I’d have to head to Virginia because there were some available there, and none near home. I was going to go there on Wednesday. On Monday Mom called to see if we could go to the old house to see if there was any mail there for her, because she thought she had changed her address with one place and it didn’t seem to go through. I was a little embarrassed since we’d already been there a few times to get mail, and it has been almost a year since we moved, but of course I went. I had a note ready to stick to their door incase they weren’t home (sort of what I was hoping), but they were. As I pulled in, I saw a two horse trailer…and then two horses, I thought, bummer, I guess they probably use the trailer. I talked with the nice woman for a little while, she offered that I could come and ride anytime on the trails there, I told her that I didn’t have a trailer, but I was actually looking for one to move my horses to MN. She said, “Really? Well I have one that I don’t really need, do you want to look at it?” Of course I did! I told her my dilemma, how all of the trailers in my price range ($1000) were already sold by the time I contacted them, and I was going to head to Virginia to shop. She told me that she had bought it to haul her two horses from Texas to NC the previous year, and she hadn’t used it since. It looked good (and much bigger!) so I told her all I had was $1000, would she take it? She said, “How about $800?” How’s that for a deal?! J So I got another truck and went to pick it up (less than 10 minutes from home this time!) that afternoon. I put the horses in and they fit perfectly, and the cats will fit perfectly in the big tack storage area too (which is good because that‘s the only place available for them to ride!)! The Lord knew just where my trailer was sitting, he just needed to get me there, and it took a messed up change of address, but hey, He can use anything for good right!? That was the last piece and the one that showed me God’s all knowing goodness the most…I was in awe! J He knows it all right down to the last detail, and how to accomplish His plan. I know this, but it is way cool to experience it first hand in such an obvious way! And one more side note…this plan of His is going to be cheaper than any of them that I had thought up…but of course that’s how He did it, because His way is always best! J

Now we are just trusting Him for the money to send us on our way, that is the last step, and after all that He has shown me and provided, I have no doubt that He also has an end in mind to accomplish that! What a God we serve, He is greater than words and though my love grows everyday, I will never be able to love him enough!

Just an update…it’s been 5 days since I posted this and yesterday God blessed me with a surprise gift of $700 towards my move!  Totally out of the blue and unexpected!  We’ve been praying and He just keeps answering so quickly!  PRAISE THE LORD!!   It’s so fun to be in the center of His will, in obediance and trust!

But the afternoon is what was really amazing… I went to a horse training job at a client’s house, they want me to ride their horse (Andi) on the trails around their house so she’ll get used to it. The trails are on hundreds of acres of woods and fields with very few houses…the kind of trails one could get lost on if they wanted to! As you can imagine, at this time of year, the word glorious doesn’t even capture the full essence of the beauty in the undeveloped countryside! It was a perfect afternoon that God may have designed just for me!

The temperature was a warm 70 degrees, there was a slight breeze rustling the colorful leaves, and the sky was bright blue and clear. Andi and I meandered over trickling streams, encountered deer and turkeys, trotted up and down trails that were surrounded by lush, orange, red and yellow trees and big boulders. We passed through grass that was taller than Andi and it left us both covered in white puffy seeds, and left a trail of white puff floating off onto the breeze. Andi gave it her all as we raced along the meadows, our hair flying free behind us as the grass swooshed past her feet. Feeling the wind on my face, as a powerful horse bunches her muscles underneath me and flies like the wind, is one of the most exhilarating feelings that I have ever experienced, and it just never gets old!  We finished off our two hour ride as the sun started to set and a magical autumn haze enveloped the countryside. Maybe not so much a haze, as that hue that the air gets, the peaceful one that accents the occasional flying bug, the spaces between the leaves, and everything else that floats on the breeze, the hue that is only there on perfect summer and fall evenings and makes everything feel like a dreamland.

It was all picture perfect (wish I had pictures to share – but they’re only in my head!) and absolutely beautiful! God gave me my own little slice of heaven this afternoon in that hilly countryside, with a strong and graceful mount as my companion. I couldn’t have ordered up a more perfect afternoon, but my imaginative and thoughtful Father knows what my ‘perfect’ is, and created it for me! And as a bonus, I got paid to experience it, man, God is good!

Before I knew God I would’ve been happy after having a wonderful day, but now on top of that, my heart is bursting at the seams with an overwhelming gratitude to Him! For the beauty that He has created for us to enjoy, for His thoughtfulness and love in giving me more than I can even hope for or imagine, for His perfect and beautiful timing as He brings His will to pass in my life, and most of all for the fact that He made me part of His family!  I am SO thankful that I now have the Lord to be thankful to!

Kassi, Jaz, Ayla and I hiking in the mountains just a short walk from where we were staying.

Ayla and I trying out ice skating…we never fell down although we came close at least a couple of times!

And what is winter without a little sledding adventure?!

Look at those sweet, puffy, cold cheeks!  Even Wumbi (what the girls call my mom) joins in the fun…she’s still a kid at heart!

I figured I would just start right out with the hot topic, Denver, then at least I have something to write about!

So, my dear friends Megan and Bryan Barley mentioned that they were thinking about planting a church in Denver, Colorado a while back.  I thought that sounded like fun, and I probably said something like, “Cool, I want to go!”  Then I started thinking about it and thought maybe I was serious!   I have been praying for the last year that I want to DO something for God’s Kingdom, and waiting patiently for Him to show me what that something was (I was saved in Feb 2008, and spent the first several months learning and figuring out what this whole ‘giving your life to God’ thing meant, once I had a grasp on that, I wanted to get out there and do something!).  So I thought, maybe this is what He wants me to do. 

A couple of months ago I started praying and asking God to show me His will in this, incase He really did want me to go.  I wasn’t really hoping more for one answer or the other (go or don’t), so I think I can honestly say this is one situation where my own desires were not in the picture.  I told God that it would be neat to be called to go, but if He had something else for me I was also totally good with that too.  It was sort of a thought in the back of my mind for the most part.

Then Megan asked if I was serious when I expressed interest, I said yeah, I’ll go wherever God wants me, if that’s Denver, that’s cool!  So she said they would start praying on the topic for me too, and soon after that, is when I started to notice an excitement growing.  Then I went to church with them one night (the night before the first official “Church Planting Meeting” they had scheduled) and I left there with a great excitement for what God might have in store for me in Denver.  I woke up the next morning just knowing that I was going to Denver, it was pretty neat!  So I went to the meeting and told them I was in (even though I was initially just going to meet the team and get some info on what it was all about). 

I’m so excited to see what He has planned for us!  The way everything is coming together, I have no doubts that I heard His will correctly!

So that is how I ended up on the church planting team headed to Denver in the summer of 2011! 

I like pics, and I thought it would be fitting to put up one of Megan (and just look at sweet Ayla) praying for me at my baptism…the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and my first real step as a follower of Christ!